Excerpt from “Humor Behind the Walls.” Written by DeVine

You know your ass have been locked up too damn long

when you think you would rather be in prison than at home.

There was this older inmate everyone called Miz Suzie,

who came into the library one day wanting to know,

what was going on with the sentencing guidelines? 

I had been working in the library for nearly two years and had

never known Miz Suzie to come in the library.

 “What’s goin on with them sentencing guidelines? 

I heard we gona be released.”  Miz Suzie stated in her heavy southern drawl. 

She looked upset and nervous. 

 “Did your crime involve crack cocaine?”  I asked.


 “Well, Miz Suzie, the changes do not apply to you.”

“Good!” she replied.  “I thought they were gona put my old ass out.”

 “Aren’t you ready to go home?”  I questioned her.

 “Hell naw!  Why I want to do that fur?” (Yes, she said, fur).

I stood there looking at her totally confused, and then she explained.

 “I ain’t got to pay ner (she said, ner) bills here.  I get fed three meals a day. 

They gives me clothes twice a year and I got plenty friend here. 

Shit, I’s can go to the doctor and dentist, and it don’t costs me

nothin’ and they gives me my medication fur free.”

  I stood there dumbfound.
THOUGHT:  Your ass is a free loader!